Things I could do

Dance like John Travolta. (They didn’t call me Simon Gravolta for nothing.)

Polish off half a bottle of Lagavulin into the early hours with my buddy Andrew. And then go to work the next morning.

Touch my toes.

Smoke gold tipped black Sobranie cigarettes. Sometimes a pink one.

Vote Conservative. (I didn’t know better.)

Drink five pints of beer and drive home afterwards.

Win a game of tennis with a wooden racquet.

Purchase a lifetime of mood-altering experience for £1.99 at Andy’s Records in Market Square, Cambridge: Dark Side of the Moon on vinyl.

Get from A to B without sat nav.

Eat 36 Weetabix in a single sitting.

Queue overnight on Kings Parade, Cambridge in late December to get into the Kings College Carol Service. (And then fall asleep during the service.)

Queue overnight outside Our Price records, Cambridge to get Led Zeppelin Knebworth tickets. (Completely unnecessarily as it transpired as my girlfriend popped into a shop the next week and bought some more without having to queue.)

Discover a chocolate nut spread in Italy that was not then available in the UK. (Nutella. Italy instantly became my favourite country in the world.)

Travel at 59.6mph down an Alpine mountain on two planks of laminated wood.

Drink Baileys by the pint.

Create a 5-a-side football team than would go on to win the Cambridgeshire Under-16 tournament. (Unachievable now, not because I couldn’t win it – I’m sure I could – but because I’m ineligible to enter unless I self-identify as a 15 year old.)

Leave home without an electronic device.

Smell blood during a game of Monopoly. Indeed, smell anything.

Enjoy my last ever day at school and hear my housemaster’s fond farewell to me – ‘fuck off will you, just fuck off.’

Attract a flirtatious glance across a bar from a twenty something girl.

Create a smoking den in the loft of our boarding house at school with my good friend Trevor. (Not achievable now because I don’t smoke and Trevor, RIP, is no longer with us.)

Enjoy the intense pleasure of first time experiences. Most notably my first ever chocolate hob nob.

Feel my shoulder-length hair blowing in the wind.

Whatever the hell I want

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